My 'Bad Time'

     17th of December 2010, exactly a week before Christmas, my parents sat me down and explained to me that my dad wouldn't be coming on our Christmas holiday to Finland because they were splitting up. This came as a huge shock because there really had been no indication of them growing apart obvious to me. It was Saturday morning, about 11am, when they told me, I immediately fell into a state of shock, my brain trying to comprehend what I was just told. My whole life turned upside down in a matter of minutes. By the time I went into school on Monday I had, kind of, accepted the fact and had switched into this 'I don't care' mode. I always do this when something bad happens to me, I go into a state of shock, where I feel numb and really out of it, until my brain has figured out what's going on and then, once this has happened, I block everything out and try to convince myself that it hasn't effected me at all. I can only keep this up for so long and then I'm forced to deal with it, usually I manage to do this by myself, at home, but this time I couldn't and I ended up having a breakdown in French class about a month later. I was sent to my guidance counselor, who I've learnt to hate since then. I actually remember very little of my first year in secondary school, that one day is my most vivid memory of the year. I was a bit of a loner back then, with one friend, who I'm actually still great friends with. It was through her that I made all my current friends. I became best friend s with Weronika after we both had a stupid fight with her at the same time. We were friends before then but never as close as that. Near the end of first year and start of second year I began to fall into depression and I stopped sleeping very much. It got to a point where I would sleep maybe 6 hours a week if not less so I was constantly numb to the world. I spent most of my second year like this and became really suicidal for a few months, once my parents figured out (after I was caught mitching school for three weeks) I was sent to a psychiatrist for a little over a year. I was officially discharged about two months ago. I've made amazing friends and lost some not so good ones over that last few years and I'm finally happy with where my life is at. Next year is going to be hard without Weronika constantly by my side but I know I'll be able to cope with it now.

     Goodbye my munchkins,

     Ruska