'You've exceeded your daily post limit.'

     Have you ever had that sense of despair when you're doing something, that feeling that you just want to die and don't care anymore but everyone seems to hate you and nothings going right? Even if there's someone that obviously cares there, even to some extent. If you're in school that feeling of fuck this I'm not doing anything, or when you're cleaning or something. That feeling of just wanting to burst into tears and let go of everything but not being able to for whatever reason. Like all that built of stress or anger just comes bursting out and even though you know that what you're thinking, saying or doing is stupid and irrational but you can't control it. I hate that, I get that and I feel like shit for days afterwards, like it hasn't quite worn off but you have to keep it in more because you're back to, more-or-less, the same person you were before and that person wouldn't do that so you can't either. Do you ever feel that people's expectations are just too high, they just expect, because you act like this usually that you'll be like this always, no matter what. My whole "I don't give a fuck about school" personality just gets dull occasionally so I make an effort, sometimes, but I can't keep it up so, now that I've given up on that people still expect me to care and do the work that I have no interest in doing, when I don't I get given out to, obviously, but I just don't give a fuck anymore. Why is it that there's always that amount of shock when the teacher is shouting at you and you don't respond, when they're getting pissed at you and you just don't give a fuck anymore and you're more amused than scared or guilty. Everything's just bullshit.

     So, I wrote this yesterday when the below happened on Tumblr... 

This is why I spend so much time on that website, it stops this kind of thing from happening outside of a controlled environment.  I figured out how to start reblogging though so I was ok and stopped doing this (also went to Boojum for burritos). In history now, watching a film about Stalin (man of steel). There was this guy called Sergei Kirov who was assassinated but every time someone says 'Sergei' I always hear 'Sir gay' which is extremely confusing to hear in the middle of History class. Anyway, I just remembered that I'm probably not meant to be on my phone so I'm going to head now. 

Bye, 

Ruska