Weronika did one of these some time go, and I really liked it, not only her post of it, which was great but also just the idea of documenting how you've changed over time (wow that makes me sound boring), a few of the YouTubers I watch also did stuff like that but in video form, obviously. This includes Nerimon who did this big regenerations thing, which was great and I was going to copy him until I realised that I'm too young to have very many regenerations I've had maybe one which has been ridiculously gradual and is still kind of happening, I think, so that wouldn't work. A regeneration is, for anyone who doesn't know (you should), the Doctor's (you know from Doctor Who) reincarnation into another body I guess, awful description there, google it. So I'm going for the boring approach, I'm telling you how I've changed from the age of twelve with no fun way of doing it. It is only a few years but I have changed loads. Before the age of twelve I was only a child so I'm not including that, well I was still a child at twelve but a slowly maturing one. My birthday is just before the start of the school year (late August) so I'm just going to go school year by school year.
When I was twelve I was still in Primary school, in sixth class, I felt very mature being amongst the oldest in the school, especially towards the end when we began talking more about leaving than anything else. I still had a fairly underdeveloped personality, though I was apparently quite mature for my age, always have been, so basically that means I was boring, I did feel the need to have strong political views because my parents both did but mine were fairly dodgy. Another reason I felt the need to have strong political opinions was that there was a guy in my class who, again through his parents, had strong political views but right-wing ones, so he, like me, would make broad political statements but right-wing ones and at that age no-one really knew enough to argue or agree so they just passively let them in but I kinda realised that, no this is bullshit and felt the need to argue against him, I never really did get to, except for on the Lisbon Treaty (remember that anyone?) That, I think was the first time that I ever legitimately argued a political point, it was near the end of Sixth class, as far as I remember. But anyway that's twelve year old me, I was honestly still a kid at that point.
The next year was the start of Secondary school for me, a new First Year, used to being at the top of the school now right at the bottom, it didn't change a whole lot though, I was still a nobody only now I was a much smaller nobody, in comparison to most people in the school. I only really had one friend in First Year and I was a bit desperate to fit in. It was at the peak of that desperation that my parents split up, it was a really hard time for me. So feeling fairly unwanted, as everyone does when their parents split up for some reason, I turned my efforts into making myself more popular, I was fairly depressed at this point so I didn't actually put much effort into, I went for the easiest option, or so I thought. I convinced myself I liked their 'music'. I became a Bieber fan, this is what I consider my most embarassing stage. I went to a Bieber concert and it hit me how much I hated what I had become, so I got out of that fairly quick. I will never live it down, ever. Fairly impressive though had my annoyingly shallow stage and got out of it in four months, not bad. After that I really didn't know what to do with my life (I know, a mid-life crisis at thirteen, whatever), I got really depressed and suicidal and horrible to be around although I did eventually manage to make some friends. I kind of got out of it about seven months later when I was caught mitching school. For three weeks. Right before a huge set of exams. On a nine week course. This is when it all changed, I got in trouble, I was forced to study and I had my phone and laptop taken away. So with a week left before these big exams I knew I had to pass most of them, so I got my hands on some music, I got Green Day's 'American Idiot' album and discovered how much loud and angry music helps me relax when I need to. I did ok on the exam's failed three out of ten or eleven, one only because the teacher couldn't read my handwriting ( :/ ) the other two because, well I failed.
So I got massively obsessed with loud and angry punk-rock (still am, somewhat). I was sent to psychiatrist because my parents figured out how depressed I was but she was no use, it was the fact that I had picked up friends along the way who stuck by me while I was depressed and I'm ridiculously thankful for them. Now I'm over-all much happier, with a few bad days but nothing major, I've got the most amazing friends, I've got strong opinions and semi-decent music taste which is all really I want from life, to be happy. I don't expect it to be easy but I'd like to be happy. Wow that is ridiculously cheesy, might take that out...
I wrote this a few months ago now and to be honest I've changed since, humans are constantly developing mentally because we're constantly taking in more information and learning more, now I'm much more interested in school (just a few topics really interest me). I am generally a happier person as well as a slightly less annoying one and hopefully a slightly more interesting one. I'm really grateful for everything I have, I've realised how lucky I am to have great friends and family almost always there for me, even if I do piss them a fair bit. I dunno, I think I'm a better person now than I used to be, but anyway I think I'm done here.
Ruska
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