School (I think, I can't remember what I wrote)

     I've been back to school long enough to remember how much I hate it. I've never really liked school but but these days I seem to hate it with a passion, I mean sure, I have a few really awesome friends, and there are at least two or three subjects that I really love (well enjoy going to, I wouldn't actually say I love higher level maths). I just don't see the point in it anymore, legally I can leave, the only reason I would need good grades would be to get into college yet everyone seems to be really insistent the importance of school and I don kind of get the point I just really don't care anymore, I mean what am I going to do with five hundred odd points. If I wanted to go to college that would be different but I don't so why bother? Why bother get stressed about what grades you'll get if they really don't matter. I'm just sick of it, I'm feeling really discouraged about school if getting sick and missing two days work puts you so far behind that you need about a week to catch up. I don't care so I just won't catch up, I'll eventually get it, right? No, that's not right, I just get more and more lost until I have to drop down a level and I don't want to do that. Why? I can't afford to buy new books, I don't want to buy new books. I hate our school system here, it's so horrible and mechanical, what's the point of making us into machines, why won't you teach us to think and to make ourselves satisfied with our own lives, not to get into jobs that we hate that we have to throw ourselves into for the next fifty years so our children can afford to get a 'good' education. Why, at the ages of fifteen and sixteen are we expected to know what we want to do in college and ultimately for the rest of our lives. Why are we forced to do what the school wants us to so that it has a good record, why would ruin someones joy for a chart position. Sure it looks good but you're going to have so many people hating you that will talk shit about the school and word of mouth, especially in Ireland, is often more highly regarded than some official number, maybe not by everyone but by a fair few people. I hate my school. I hate the uniform, the rules, the principal and the teachers.
a very sick and tired state.

I wrote this in a very sick and tired state and am a bit afraid of reading this so I dunno what it's like.
      Ruska