Ramble About Something, Probably Relating To The Strypes

     So I've been pretty awful about posting on this, I've wanted to and I've started writing a post on numerous occasions and left it unsaved and usually unfinished so I haven't posted anything for well over a month. I wish I had kept this up but I haven't, I'm gonna try to keep it up now, I probably won't manage but I will try.

     I'm on the bus to Cavan, somewhere between Cavan and Kells, due to arrive there in about 45 minutes. You may ask why on earth would anyone want to go to Cavan and if you're not Irish and aren't a fan of a particular Cavan born band who happen to be playing there this evening you may not even know of the existence of Cavan. Cavan is a landlocked county in the northern midlands of Ireland. As a Christmas present from my father I got tickets to this gig they're playing in Cavan Town Hall, my knowledge of these tickets weeks before Christmas and the fact that I didn't even get them on Christmas doesn't change the fact that Christmas presents they are. I'm quite excited, I haven't seen the Strypes in almost exactly a year (I just re-read what I've written and noticed that I didn't actually mention them by name before now but I can't be bothered to actually change it). This will be the first time I see them do a full electric set so I really can't wait. My dad's not too happy about having to go to Cavan or about going to a gig (he's such an old man, isn't he?) last time I saw the Strypes was with him too and he just stood there looking grumpy with his arms crossed, there were a load of bands playing that time and he only liked one of them (Ocho, check them out, they're not bad) and a comedian (David O'Docherty I think, he was brilliant). When the Strypes came on I tried to move towards the front and was quite successful except for the fact that my father pulled me back each time anyone got closer than a meter away from me and as anyone who has been to a gig ever (or just in a crowd) knows, people are packed in pretty close, eventually I managed to lose him in the crowd and I really enjoyed it even though they only played for twenty to thirty minutes or so.

     I'm really just writing for the sake of writing now rather having anything in particular I feel the urge to share, there is one thing but I don't really want to think about it right now so I probably will in a few days, I really want to anyway so I'll talk to you soon. 

     Ruska

(Almost in Cavan now!!!)

It's after 6am, oh shit

     Exam week this week, fun! (Not really, unless you're Weronika who got extremely jealous that I have exams). My approach to exams is probably not the best approach there is... Not by a long shot, I had yesterday off so I probably should have studied but I spent most of my daytime hours getting lyrics for the 250 odd songs in my library without lyrics (I'm down to seven songs without lyrics which is a huge difference). Also a fair amount of Tumblring? Tumbling? I don't know, must ask Alex, she spends even more time on Tumblr than I do she has to know. I get away with not studying for most my exams (all honours grades with no study in the Junior Cert) but that combined with not sleeping is a bad thing. I didn't mean to not sleep, it just kinda happened. I was on the laptop and suddenly it was quarter to five so I decided at that point if I go to sleep now I'll get four hours and that's plenty. Then inspiration struck and I acted on it immediately and then BAM! It's half 6. 

Pretty much all of the last 24 hours was done with Shangri La playing rather loudly, as were the last four and a half days. I know the album pretty well now. 

So I'm gonna go try and sleep, I might get three hours if I sleep now (with Shangri La playing of course). 

Good night or good morning or whatever,

      Ruska

My wrist is fucked

So my wrist, it's pretty fucked up. The doctors still aren't sure what it is apparently which is a little bit ridiculous at this stage. They thought they knew what it was but that still didn't explain a few things and when I went back they told me something different again. I've had four different doctors now each with different opinions, the first three slightly unsure of what it was the last pretty confident so I'm gonna go with her view. She took one look at the lump on my hand and knew immediately that it's a Ganglion Cyst which makes somewhat ridiculous that the other three didn't know what it was especially since everyone I've told seems to know what it is. A Ganglion Cyst is basically a bubble of synovial fluid (the stuff between your bones) which is thicker than usual, they can swell up to the size of a plum and are typically right where mine is though they can be in other places too. They're pretty harmless unless they're pressing down on a nerve in which case you really need to get rid of them. The traditional cure is smashing it with the family bible but since we don't have a bible and I'm really not willing to get someone to smash a book onto my hand the other option is to get operated which is not nice. It is only a fairly minor operation though. That's not necessarily what's wrong with it though (I think it is, it makes most sense). The other two options are torn ligament (which would really be cured by now so probably not) or tissue damage (which would cause pain in any other than where I was kicked but I have pain all down my wrist so again, probably not). That leaves the, in my opinion, worst option. I think Weronika is actually starting to feel slightly guilty (and also pretty proud cos her crush and various other people who's approval she seeks are impressed by her "strength" or something like that, I'm not too happy about that one)

Celebrity Influence

     So I thought I posted this, I wrote it and published it a few months ago but since I'm using the app it doesn't always publish and I don't notice that unless I look at the post again which I really don't usually do but I was bored so I did and happened to notice this, so here goes.

     I don't listen to pop much, some pop from the 60's and 70's but nothing much. I can name a few modern celebrities but honestly I just don't care about them. They're just people who get famous on minimal amount of talent and a lot of money, usually. I'm not saying this is always the case at all, some celebrities are, in fact, amazingly talented, I would name one but I don't know really. What pisses me off about celebrities is that some, not all, just a few, of them use their fame to influence people to have their views like Beiber about the abortion thing (see my rant about him) and various others who, again, I can't name. People like One Direction, for example, are pretty harmless as far as I know, they're just a boy band who are completely manufactured for the media of teenage girls between about 10 and 20 y/o. I'm not saying that only celebrities like these do it, in sure loads of great bands out there who try to force their ideas upon their fans. So, sure this might just be me whining about pop culture again but these celebrities are always being filmed or photographed so they should try be somewhat responsible with what they say. I very much doubt that there are all that many grunge bands or punk bands with as big a following as, say, Beiber or 1D do. This mainly because the media is only interested in these pop artists who bring in a lot of money for them. I dunno, I guess that's me now, please remember that I'm sick so if this isn't very coherent it might because of that.

    Ruska

Shangri La!!!

So I got the date wrong, Jake Bugg's new album didn't come out on Monday the 18th cos I'm listening to it now and it's Sunday. Clearly it came out on Friday or something, which does make a little bit more sense. I went into HMV on Saturday and it was there whic made me very happy. I'm not a hundred prevent sure about my thoughts on it yet, I mean I do like it a lot but there's a few songs there that I'm not sure about... Maybe they'll grow on me, maybe they won't. Either way there are some brilliant songs on it and I've listened to it a total of seven times since I got home yesterday evening, much to my dad's distaste. He does like the first album but he's much more skeptical about this one which is a shame but I don't care that much cos I do actually really like it.

There's the cover. 

I'm in a really good mood now. 

Anyway gonna go now,

      Ruska

 

Oops

I forgot about this again, I've just gotten out of the habit of posting on this so I don't, also my hand. I discovered that it may not be a torn ligament but rather tissue damage and a Ganglion Cyst (which sounds worse to be honest). Also I've got exams coming up (they start tomorrow, actually today, I should really get some sleep... Interesting things that are happening for me, let's see, in chronological order; Jake Bugg's new album: Doctor Who 50th anniversary special: vague and fairly improbable possibility of seeing the Strypes again. Other than that my life right now contains school, hospital visits and a dentist's appointment on Thursday. I'm getting an MRI done soon (which I thought were just for brains or something). I'm also back in the world of the internet which is possibly not so good. I finished season 2 of Supernatural about 3 or 4 hours ago. 

That's my life recently in various disjointed sentences. I will eventually do a post about IDWcon2013 which was meant to be posted a while ago. I think it's time for bed now so goodnight.

     Ruska

17/10/2013

So, I haven't written anything in almost a month, I know, I've been abandoning this and I am sorry. I have a valid excuse (a few of them but mainly just one). The major one is that I've torn a ligament in my hand (thanks Weronika). Because of this I can only use one hand which makes typing very difficult, I actually haven't been on the laptop for over a week. I'm on pain meds and have my hand in a sling and hopefully it'll get better in the next few weeks, the various other excuses I'm going to post in the next few days. Also any mistakes in this (and all the posts to come in the next few weeks) can be blamed on the hand. I am sincerely sorry about not going on the blog and realised I really didn't have anything better to do during accounting class, although my teachers voice is pretty dustracting so if this doesn't make sense blame her. So, I'm off now. 

Cya's,

Ruska

Belated MGMT (oops meant to post this months ago)

     So I went to see MGMT in the Olympia Theater a few weeks ago with a few friends, Cillian (who I've known since he was 3 weeks old) and Lilli (who I've known since she was like one or something like that). It was fucking brilliant, they played loads of songs off of their first album, which is, of course, the best by far and it was great fun. I managed to lose my voice within half an hour of MGMT coming on stage. The warm-up band, Guards, were really good. They were some American rock band I guess, the girl danced very oddly but as a band they were extremely good. Here's the lead singer/guitarist guy: 

They played for maybe 40 minutes and they really were great, after that we had about a half hour or twenty minute wait for MGMT, in which I noticed this massive cowbell they had! They actually used it for one of their songs. 

I'm not sure who the girl that was playing it is though. Anyway they were brilliant, we got into the pit (the bit right at the front) so we were really close to the stage (much to Cillian's distaste). They played really well and even those songs from the albums that I don't much like were amazing. I think the best bit was when they played kids which was wonderful, I really loved the whole show and, as far as I know, so did my friends. I'm just gonna stick in a few pictures now. 

That last one is of this UFO thing they had flying around during the song 'Alien Days' (I think that's what it's called), it flew over the crowd and stage it was awesome, it was like remote controlled or something so all in all it was a great gig and totally worth not my own money but someone else's for sure (my mothers).

     My friend from Finland was one of the reasons I haven't been on (she was over for a week, it was 

Sorry

     I'm useless at updating the blog, I just kinda forgot about it I guess... I don't know why I forget, I do quite enjoy posting stuff up here and imagining that people actually read it. It's just kind of a place for me to vent to be honest. At least I'm not as bad as Weronika who still hasn't posted a single thing on her new blog. My friend from Finland came to stay for a week yesterday, she's in bed now though, as I should be (well I'm in bed but not asleep, obviously). Her first day here started off great, first we went to my GP (doctor) and then to hospital for multiple hours to see if my hand was broken (it wasn't). We had to walk to both in the lashing rain so from about 9.30 am to about 2pm we were sitting in soaking wet clothes in horrible doctors offices and hospitals so that was shit. We got home and hung out beside the radiator for a few hours and then we went to town and we got various stuff (she got a top and a CD and I got new earphones, they're bright yellow!!!) We also went to a demo for a little while which was nice but pretty small. So it was an alright day, pretty good if you disclude (I know that's not a word, piss off) the medical shit. Wow, this is a boring post, sorry about that. Umm, I'm sure I can tell you something to make it vaguely more interesting... My hand story really isn't that great, Weronika kicked me in the hand on Saturday and the bone seems to have popped out of place slightly and left a gap between some joint in my hand. Basically my hand is super painful especially where there's this little bump on the back of it. It also affects my wrist so I can't really do anything with my right hand (including typing). Using the laptop in general is very difficult because I just feel the urge to use the hand that hurts like something excruciatingly painful hurts (aren't I so good at this). I may take some painkillers so I can get to sleep actually cause this is pretty bad. Ok I'm gonna stop whining now and go listen to The Strypes or Jake Bugg with my amazing new earphones.
     Cya,
     Ruska

YouTube failure

     So the YouTube thing didn't exactly work out, Weronika came over we recorded ourselves for like twenty minutes and then she had to go and I started editing. Five minutes later she texted me telling me that she wasn't allowed to make YouTube videos, I dunno why but it's the kind of thing some parents would have a problem with, so whatever. I tried making one my self but didn't really know how to go about it, so nothing yet, soon enough though. 

     Bye,

     Ruska

Bullshit Religion

Religion is shit, simple as that. My school is a Catholic one so at the start of each year we have this opening mass and a closing one at the end of the year. These are pretty much the only two times in the year when the whole school are together as one, so that's cool, I guess. Other than that the mass is shit but this year particularly so because of it being our centenary and all that. So we had the archbishop saying the mass which I guess is a big deal (there being only two of them in the country) but it really didn't change anything much, although I'm fairly sure it was longer than usual. A few of us in our year who were atheists or of different religions kind of got together to try and get out of going, it was a futile attempt but it was worth a shot. So we went to mass, after we remembered that a teacher went back to check the bathrooms after everyone left to make sure no-one was hiding out there, we decided that we would sit together in a group somewhere and not participate in the slightest while still remaining respectfully silent (it was the first mass I've vet been to where I haven't gotten into trouble for talking). It was our way of saying we respect you enough to remain quiet but don't believe in your religion so we won't take part in it but won't stop anyone else from taking part. Which should be perfectly alright and we talked to a teacher just before we went in to see if we had to take part (basically just letting them know that we wouldn't be) an she said that we didn't so we took her word for it, knowing if we were given out to we could refer back to this as a defence. So the mass was grand, my ass really hurt from sitting still for two hours straight, I genuinely didn't move anything but my head more than a tiny amount. At the end of the mass when everyone was told to stand for the archbishop leaving we remained sitting as we had before, I mean there was only five of us just there, if we hadn't been on the aisle I doubt anyone would really have noticed but I'm glad they did. After he had gone past, at this point I'm going to tell you that he acknowledged us with a small smile clearly with no objections, one of my past German teachers came over to us and started yelling things like 'have you broken all your legs?' and 'how dare you be so disrespectful' at us. Which is ridiculous because we were doing nothing wrong, through that we just didn't say anything and the second she was out of earshot we started giving out about it and continued until a while after we got back to the school.

     Bye, 

     Ruska

Weronika

     There's an angry rant about religion coming up but for now I'm just gonna tell you that Weronika has blog now called the TheSugarpuffBlog.blogspot.ie so check it out if you wanna (nothing up there now though). We're gonna make a youtube video today so I'll tell you about that then.
     Cya,
     Ruska

In Defence of Jake Bugg

     There's some scandal about Jake Bugg which is basically (from what I saw on Tumblr) that he had sex with some fans of his, which I agree isn't the most amazing thing he could've done, but it is his choice and I'm pretty certain the girls definitely not objecting (why would you),  so why is this a scandal? Why are people making such a big fucking deal out of something like that? I mean think about, if there were hundreds upon hundreds of attractive people of the gender you're interested in (dunno of you're a girl or guy and then you could also be gay, I'm keeping the options open) declaring their love for you and throwing themselves at you, you'd find it hard to resist. Also he's 19 from my knowledge of teenagers they tend to be horny a lot [even more so the older they are, as in teenage-wise(does that make sense?)], I mean I know I am (god, I hope this won't be the time a parent or family member decides that they should look at the blog). So Jake Bugg is a teenager with a sex drive who fucked a few girls who were, as far as I know, about his age. Whatever, who gives a fuck, it's just stupid shit that's completely irrelevant to your life and doesn't actually matter. Sure there'll be a few idiots who complain about it but I don't care, not really. So, why the fuck am I writing this post then? Because of the fucking idiots that say stuff like 'I try not to let it bother me but I can't help but feel this sense of disgust when I listen to his music now' and other shit like that. I mean that's just bullshit, seriously think about it, why the fuck do his actions have any effect on his music (which is bloody amazing). I'm going to use Justin Bieber (I spelled that wrong again but apparently the iPhone can spell it now) as an example, I hate him as a person because he's a jerk and tries to force his beliefs on his fans ['I believe abortion is wrong and think all my fans should think so too', it's not word for word what he said but pretty much it (I can't remember quotes that well)] but his music are of no consequence to me, same as One Direction, I don't give a shot about th and I find their music vaguely annoying but they have nothing to do with me. So Jake Bugg, you either like his music, or you don't, simple as that. You could hate him as a person and be absolutely in love with his music and to be honest he probably doesn't give a shit if you don't like him. So just get the fuck off my dash with your bullshit. 

     Also I can't help but wonder how this came out, did the girls boast about it online or something? I kinda doubt he did it himself and I guess it'd be a pretty big bragging right to have but could you not just do it among your friends rather than put it on the internet where anyone can find it and blow it out of proportion like was done here, I mean come on. Didn't they see this coming? Whatever, I'm done, I'm just gonna ignore the bullshit, got me pretty pissed off though, needed to rant a little. So I'll leave you with a picture of the lovely Jake Bugg. 

Tschüss, 

Ruska

'You've exceeded your daily post limit.'

     Have you ever had that sense of despair when you're doing something, that feeling that you just want to die and don't care anymore but everyone seems to hate you and nothings going right? Even if there's someone that obviously cares there, even to some extent. If you're in school that feeling of fuck this I'm not doing anything, or when you're cleaning or something. That feeling of just wanting to burst into tears and let go of everything but not being able to for whatever reason. Like all that built of stress or anger just comes bursting out and even though you know that what you're thinking, saying or doing is stupid and irrational but you can't control it. I hate that, I get that and I feel like shit for days afterwards, like it hasn't quite worn off but you have to keep it in more because you're back to, more-or-less, the same person you were before and that person wouldn't do that so you can't either. Do you ever feel that people's expectations are just too high, they just expect, because you act like this usually that you'll be like this always, no matter what. My whole "I don't give a fuck about school" personality just gets dull occasionally so I make an effort, sometimes, but I can't keep it up so, now that I've given up on that people still expect me to care and do the work that I have no interest in doing, when I don't I get given out to, obviously, but I just don't give a fuck anymore. Why is it that there's always that amount of shock when the teacher is shouting at you and you don't respond, when they're getting pissed at you and you just don't give a fuck anymore and you're more amused than scared or guilty. Everything's just bullshit.

     So, I wrote this yesterday when the below happened on Tumblr... 

This is why I spend so much time on that website, it stops this kind of thing from happening outside of a controlled environment.  I figured out how to start reblogging though so I was ok and stopped doing this (also went to Boojum for burritos). In history now, watching a film about Stalin (man of steel). There was this guy called Sergei Kirov who was assassinated but every time someone says 'Sergei' I always hear 'Sir gay' which is extremely confusing to hear in the middle of History class. Anyway, I just remembered that I'm probably not meant to be on my phone so I'm going to head now. 

Bye, 

Ruska

Bored In Irish

I'm in Irish at the moment, we're doing the past tense I think. It's really boring so I decided I'd do this instead. I've changed the email address because I really hate hotmail and can't be bothered checking two emails, I just never did. So my email is ruska97@gmail.com now if you wanna email me for any reason. Seriously, any reason at all, including boredom or whatever you feel like, I have far too much time on my hands anyway. We have this open day today so we're getting off early. A few of my friends are staying to help out. It's actually quite funny this year, there's this whole industrial action thing the teachers have going that started yesterday so as of yesterday they can't stay after school hours. This means that it's pretty much student run for the first time ever. Which I think is pretty awesome really. Anyway I'm not doing anything on that, I've just gotten off school (I didn't get this finished in Irish) and I'm heading off soon. I'm sure I meant to say something more but can't remember anymore, so bye. Oh wait, just remembered what it was, I've decided that I'm going to start making YouTube videos. Also Weronika might come back or at least start a blog linked to this one. Also she may join me in making videos. 

Cya,

Ruska

Ramble

     So when I started school it was ok, I didn't mind having a lot of homework and being a little lost in most subjects because then you at least have a challenge but now, a month in, I just don't give a shit anymore. I was doing well at the start of the year, still am really, haven't gotten into any trouble really, only in the comments book once or twice but I just can't be bothered anymore. I just want to get out of that shithole with stupid  rules which are completely irrelevant to learning. I love learning about things, I love knowing about history, I like getting a hard maths question and being able to solve it, I really do. I don't like school though, not being able to learn in the way I want to, having to obey stupid rules, wearing an uncomfortable uniform, tests. I kind of want to drop out of school altogether but I can't, not really. I mean technically I can but in reality my parents wouldn't let me, ever. All I do these days is write, read, draw and listen to or play music, I'm not even online all that much anymore, like obviously I'm on a fair bit but way less than I used to. It's really depressing, I just don't feel like doing anything at all. I haven't been eating properly either, I've had  one meal a day for about a week, I don't think that's helping at all. I just feel like shit most of the time, especially for the last few days, I'm getting really sick of it. I'm going to try to feel better again but it's kinda tricky. One thing that does make me really happy is that my friend from my Finland, Lilja, is definitely coming to visit in less than a month, I really can't wait to see her, I miss her loads. Just thinking about that makes me happier. It was Weronika's birthday on Wednesday and nothing much was done but we're getting a birthday tomorrow and I made her a card (which she doesn't know about yet so I hope she doesn't see this). I dunno I'm in a weird mood at the moment, sorry if this shit but deal with it.

Neglection, Music and Excitement

     I've been neglecting the blog mainly because of laziness, I've had plenty of time that I could've spent doing something vaguely productive completely wasted on Tumblr. I don't mind that much, it just kinda pisses me off that there isn't more time so I could do both but I guess I do have to spend some time eating and sleeping so I can't spend all my time on the laptop. I also have an iPhone now and I just had to get the latest update and mess with it for hours on end, so yeah, that's my extremely depressing and boring life. I got food poisoning the other day, that wasn't nice. I've also gotten obsessed with loads of new bands, I used like properly stalk about two bands but now I've gained about four more to take up my time, they're all really good. Some of them aren't really that new, just new to me. Jake Bugg is amazing you should go check him out, actually I'll add my favourite song here. Other than that, nothing much else has happened recently. That's a lie, loads of shit happened my super awesome friend from Finland is coming here to visit for a week in October, which is really exciting cos, y'know, she's my friend and she lives in Finland so I don't see her enough... It's also Weronika's birthday today (the 25th) which is cool I guess, now the age gap between us seems smaller, for like a month I've been 16 and she's been 14 and it seems like a huge difference even though I know it's not really. I should probably have gotten her a present but fuck it, I'll just like say Happy Birthday, she'll deal. I applied for a few jobs today, really want to get one, very probably won't because I'm pretty under-qualified to do anything really, but working in a record shop might be alright. It'd be really awesome if I do get a job because then I can have some money for myself which would be very nice.
Yeah anyway, that's me and my rather confusing thoughts at 2.30am.
Ruska

School (I think, I can't remember what I wrote)

     I've been back to school long enough to remember how much I hate it. I've never really liked school but but these days I seem to hate it with a passion, I mean sure, I have a few really awesome friends, and there are at least two or three subjects that I really love (well enjoy going to, I wouldn't actually say I love higher level maths). I just don't see the point in it anymore, legally I can leave, the only reason I would need good grades would be to get into college yet everyone seems to be really insistent the importance of school and I don kind of get the point I just really don't care anymore, I mean what am I going to do with five hundred odd points. If I wanted to go to college that would be different but I don't so why bother? Why bother get stressed about what grades you'll get if they really don't matter. I'm just sick of it, I'm feeling really discouraged about school if getting sick and missing two days work puts you so far behind that you need about a week to catch up. I don't care so I just won't catch up, I'll eventually get it, right? No, that's not right, I just get more and more lost until I have to drop down a level and I don't want to do that. Why? I can't afford to buy new books, I don't want to buy new books. I hate our school system here, it's so horrible and mechanical, what's the point of making us into machines, why won't you teach us to think and to make ourselves satisfied with our own lives, not to get into jobs that we hate that we have to throw ourselves into for the next fifty years so our children can afford to get a 'good' education. Why, at the ages of fifteen and sixteen are we expected to know what we want to do in college and ultimately for the rest of our lives. Why are we forced to do what the school wants us to so that it has a good record, why would ruin someones joy for a chart position. Sure it looks good but you're going to have so many people hating you that will talk shit about the school and word of mouth, especially in Ireland, is often more highly regarded than some official number, maybe not by everyone but by a fair few people. I hate my school. I hate the uniform, the rules, the principal and the teachers.
a very sick and tired state.

I wrote this in a very sick and tired state and am a bit afraid of reading this so I dunno what it's like.
      Ruska

Junior Cert complaint

I got my Junior Cert!!! I passed everything with honours!!! I even got an A!!! So, I'm pretty happy, I did better than I thought I would, my parents a very happy and as celebration I ate a shitload of junk food and had a nice dinner. Unlike what most of the girls in my year did. Most of them covered themselves in so much fake tan they were ridiculously orange and darkest skinned than most Asians in my school. On addition to this they wore these brightly coloured talons on the end of their fingers, some of them were almost two inches long, dangerous weapons more than anything else. I presume they wore something that looked more like underwear than clothes and then they went to various Disco's and got drunk as teenagers do when they're happy or sad or whatever. Which would be fine (if you don't talk about what they look like) if it wasn't the night before we had these all day aptitude tests at school. So today I was sat in a hall with a fair few extremely hungover people doing loads and loads of tests, so that was a fun day. I'm very much tempted to pig out even more today but I won't. So there's your daily complaint from a sick Ruska, though not about being sick this time (which I still am) 

     Ruska

My Change (this one's a long one)

     Weronika did one of these some time go, and I really liked it, not only her post of it, which was great but also just the idea of documenting how you've changed over time (wow that makes me sound boring), a few of the YouTubers I watch also did stuff like that but in video form, obviously. This includes Nerimon who did this big regenerations thing, which was great and I was going to copy him until I realised that I'm too young to have very many regenerations I've had maybe one which has been ridiculously gradual and is still kind of happening, I think, so that wouldn't work. A regeneration is, for anyone who doesn't know (you should), the Doctor's (you know from Doctor Who) reincarnation into another body I guess, awful description there, google it. So I'm going for the boring approach, I'm telling you how I've changed from the age of twelve with no fun way of doing it. It is only a few years but I have changed loads. Before the age of twelve I was only a child so I'm not including that, well I was still a child at twelve but a slowly maturing one. My birthday is just before the start of the school year (late August) so I'm just going to go school year by school year.
     When I was twelve I was still in Primary school, in sixth class, I felt very mature being amongst the oldest in the school, especially towards the end when we began talking more about leaving than anything else. I  still had a fairly underdeveloped personality, though I was apparently quite mature for my age, always have been, so basically that means I was boring, I did feel the need to have strong political views because my parents both did but mine were fairly dodgy. Another reason I felt the need to have strong political opinions was that there was a guy in my class who, again through his parents, had strong political views but right-wing ones, so he, like me, would make broad political statements but right-wing ones and at that age no-one really knew enough to argue or agree so they just passively let them in but I kinda realised that, no this is bullshit and felt the need to argue against him, I never really did get to, except for on the Lisbon Treaty (remember that anyone?) That, I think was the first time that I ever legitimately argued a political point, it was near the end of Sixth class, as far as I remember. But anyway that's twelve year old me, I was honestly still a kid at that point.
     The next year was the start of Secondary school for me, a new First Year, used to being at the top of the school now right at the bottom, it didn't change a whole lot though, I was still a nobody only now I was a much smaller nobody, in comparison to most people in the school. I only really had one friend in First Year and I was a bit desperate to fit in. It was at the peak of that desperation that my parents split up, it was a really hard time for me. So feeling fairly unwanted, as everyone does when their parents split up for some reason, I turned my efforts into making myself more popular, I was fairly depressed at this point so I didn't actually put much effort into, I went for the easiest option, or so I thought. I convinced myself I liked their 'music'. I became a Bieber fan, this is what I consider my most embarassing stage. I went to a Bieber concert and it hit me how much I hated what I had become, so I got out of that fairly quick. I will never live it down, ever. Fairly impressive though had my annoyingly shallow stage and got out of it in four months, not bad. After that I really didn't know what to do with my life (I know, a mid-life crisis at thirteen, whatever), I got really depressed and suicidal and horrible to be around although I did eventually manage to make some friends. I kind of got out of it about seven months later when I was caught mitching school. For three weeks. Right before a huge set of exams. On a nine week course. This is when it all changed, I got in trouble, I was forced to study and I had my phone and laptop taken away. So with a week left before these big exams I knew I had to pass most of them, so I got my hands on some music, I got Green Day's 'American Idiot' album and discovered how much loud and angry music helps me relax when I need to. I did ok on the exam's failed three out of ten or eleven, one only because the teacher couldn't read my handwriting ( :/ ) the other two because, well I failed.
     So I got massively obsessed with loud and angry punk-rock (still am, somewhat). I was sent to psychiatrist because my parents figured out how depressed I was but she was no use, it was the fact that I had picked up friends along the way who stuck by me while I was depressed and I'm ridiculously thankful for them. Now I'm over-all much happier, with a few bad days but nothing major, I've got the most amazing friends, I've got strong opinions and semi-decent music taste which is all really I want from life, to be happy. I don't expect it to be easy but I'd like to be happy. Wow that is ridiculously cheesy, might take that out...
     I wrote this a few months ago now and to be honest I've changed since, humans are constantly developing mentally because we're constantly taking in more information and learning more, now I'm much more interested in school (just a few topics really interest me). I am generally a happier person as well as a slightly less annoying one and hopefully a slightly more interesting one. I'm really grateful for everything I have, I've realised how lucky I am to have great friends and family almost always there for me, even if I do piss them a fair bit. I dunno, I think I'm a better person now than I used to be, but anyway I think I'm done here.
     Ruska

I'm still sick

     I don't like being sick, it's really not a very pleasant thing to be. I mean it's just something that happens and you usually get over it in about a week but you whine about it loads while you still have even the slightest symptoms. I'm actually sick now, as in so sick that my mum let me take 2 days off school even after I took Friday off (for different reasons). A positive of me being sick (other than getting off school) is that I can listen to the Strypes new album repeatedly and be on Tumblr all day. Now, I know this blog recently has made it seem like I'm massively obsessed with the Strypes but the reality of it is that I'm massively obsessed with the Strypes. I think the only reason for that is because it's the only band I've liked in about three years who's around now and is just getting big now so I have the ultimate hipster claim to fame of knowing them when they played in little cafes with about 10 people in them most of whom are family of theirs. And just to show off, I'm going to include a picture at the end. Big day tomorrow, I get my Junior Cert results (they're like big state exams that we spend about three years preparing for) which are going to be talked about non-stop for about a week and then forgotten forever. That means I have to go into school tomorrow to get them (but only for a few hours, they let us off when we're given the results because no-one can concentrate after that). It's probably a good thing that I'm going back to school, I've gotten to the point where I've added lyrics to all the songs in my iTunes library, bar about 100 (out of about 1000), I started yesterday evening so I've found almost 900 sets of lyrics in less than 24 hours. That's probably not the most interesting thing I could've done but I really don't have the brain capacity to do anything  more taxing right now. Again, this probably isn't easy to follow but I'm sick so fuck off.
     Cya,
     Ruska

Sickness

     I'm sick, sure it's just a cold and I will get over it but my mum got it a week ago and still isn't very well. My friend is getting it from me too and said 'ruska i feel like i swallowed a fucking chainsaw and i blame u' to me at 1.36 am.That basically sums up how I feel bar the sore elbow but that's because I burnt it with my lime, honey and clove concoction (we didn't have lemons and my mum was feeling creative, lime's much better than lemon actually try it when you're next sick). While I probably should've gone to bed early like a normal sick person last night I didn't, I stayed up until about 5.30 and then went to sleep for about 6 hours. Right this is shit, I'm blaming the obvious thing of me being sick on that but whatever, I'll talk to you later probably.
     Ruska

Disappointment

     I don't think I've been quite as disappointed as I am now for a long time. I went to see the Strypes in HMV and discovered that there was a competition you had to get tickets from on a radio channel I don't listen to. This wasn't said anywhere really, it was advertised as a free gig on loads of websites and the competition was never mentioned. So I couldn't get in, I'm really upset about this but I guess I'll get over it. There's a signing after the show which is open to the public so I'm going to that but it doesn't make me feel much better right now. I'm just gonna pig out on junk food and watch stupid stuff online now.
     Cya,
     Ruska

Freedom (I think, shut up its almost 4am)

     I've got this sense of freedom these days, like I'm being treated more like a mature adult (which I certainly amn't) who can be trusted to be independent. With my parents I think it's the whole 16 thing of me no longer being a child, like I've been fairly independent of the parents for a few years now but not fully, now I get to make all my own decisions for my self. The other night, for example, was Rosh Hashanah (Jewish new year) and since my family on my dads side is Jewish they were having a big celebration for it, originally I was going to go with my dad but he had loads of deadlines due so he just stayed at work late and skipped it. Beforehand that would have automatically ruled me out of the dinner but it was left up to me whether I go or not this time. I know it seems like a little thing but for me it just kinda makes me realise that I'm growing up and I can't always depend on my parents to do everything for me anymore. The other thing is my school, in Junior Cycle we were always told "do this or you'll get in trouble, do that or you'll get detention" etc. etc. Now it's different, the teachers don't really check our homework that much and we're just told that if we don't put in the work we won't do well but it's up to us to make ourselves do the work. This, in my opinion is really great because it makes us feel more responsible for how we do in the Leaving Cert and then it's our fault if we don't do well, not the teacher's. This is still pretty new to me but so far it seems to be working, as in I'm doing almost all my homework these days as opposed to the bare minimum I could get away with, which was quite a small quantity due to my excellent deceptive skills, not only do I do my homework now but I also feel this sense of prose whenever I finish a particularly hard sum or whatever. I have no idea how much sense this makes, I started writing at 03:21am and it's now 27 minutes later but whether this is shit or great thanks for reading this far. 

     Ruska

P.S. Just finished reading John Green's 'Looking for Alaska,' it's amazing. GO READ IT!!! NOW!

The Strypes (and other stuff about my life right now)

     I know I talk about them a fair bit now but I'm ridiculously excited about the Strypes album that's combing out this Friday. It's called Snapshot and is being released earlier in Ireland than, I think, anywhere else, for obvious reasons (they're from Cavan). They're playing at midday at the reopening of HMV on Henry Street and I've received permission to bunk off school (I call it mitching but I dunno if anyone else does). It's times like these that I really appreciate how great my mum is, I can't tell my dad though because he would be fairly pissed about it. 

     I dunno if anyone actually reads this blog, I've stopped checking the stats because I'd become slightly obsessive over them, the whole not posting much all summer probably didn't do it much good... Weronika has basically stopped writing for the blog for a few reasons so its basically just me now, she's started writing a book apparently so that's taking up a load of her time, that and her mad exercise regime coupled with the start of school just leave her without a whole lot of time. I don't have all that much time either with me being in 5th year (second last year of school) and getting loads of homework but I've got the weird 3-4 hours of sleep a night thing going on so I've got most of the night to write and read and shit like that. 

     Anyway, back to the Strypes, if anyone who lives in Dublin and isn't busy in the middle day and has a vague interest in that kind of music reads this blog I recommend you come along, it's a music shop so I presume it's free to get in and it's really good music (and it's HMV!!) So yeah, that's about me 'cept for the fact that I got an iPhone and am typing this on it nothing much is new.

     Cya,

     Ruska 

Live music and other things vaguely related to the topic

     In relation to live music I almost don't care what the music playing is like, as long as there's energy behind the playing of the music it doesn't bother me about the music itself, very much. Obviously the better the music, the better the gig, that's just logic. I also like to know the music, again not necessary but it tends to help. Then again I've been at so many gigs with bands I'd never even heard of and they've been amazing. What I would consider as the best gig I've ever been to was just recently, on my birthday, I went to see Nine Inch Nails at Belsonic in Belfast. That was an amazing gig and I had never listened to their music beforehand, now I'm a big fan, or at least a moderately big fan. Where you are really effects your experience, if you're right at the back and unable to see its going to be a bit shit, likewise if you're right at the front it'll be amazing. For example, a few days before my birthday we went to see Regina Spektor in the Olympia in Dublin, downstairs there is standing and the balconies are seated and further away from the state. Now both me and my mother were fairly tired that day and Regina's soft and pretty slow music added with the far away seats with very little sight of her just had us falling asleep halfway through the show. We left early and I felt ridiculously guilty even though we only left about two or three songs from the end. Needless to say I haven't listened to her music since. The Strypes are another example of an amazing gig but I think for me that was solely for the music, as I am a pretty big fan. On the topic of the Strypes, they're releasing their first album this Friday (only in Ireland though, England gets to wait till Monday) and they're playing a gig on Friday at midday at the reopening of HMV on Henry street, that combines my two favourite things in the world, ever.  The Strypes and HMV in one and near me too!!! Unfortunately it's a school day and I very much doubt my mum will allow me to skip school for that :'( 

Ruska

Tools for Solidarity (also 1000 views)

     Tools for Solidarity are this charity organisation based in Belfast. Basically what they do is repair and refurbish tools and sewing machines and send them out to Tanzania and some other African countries. Here they teach locals how to use and maintain the tools and sewing machines. My parents both volunteered for TFS about 17 years ago, that's where they met, and they've kept in contact with the people who run the organisation. They're really great people and we still go up to visit them occasionally, for the past few years I've spent a week or two of my summer holidays there. I'd spend a fair bit of my time there at the workshop fixing tools and I really love it there, that's where I've been disappearing off to in Belfast. They have a constant flow of volunteers there who usually stay about a year and they tend to be lovely. This is quite disorganised but what I'm trying to say is that they are an amazing organisation and I've been thinking of volunteering there once I'm finished school. It's kinda a big thing for me to say this because before now I've firmly held the belief that I won't have any clue of what I want to do once I've left school until I'd left school but now I think that that's bullshit, it was just my way of not planning my future which I really don't want to do. Now I know that I want to volunteer with something, even if not TFS, and that I want to travel the world a bit. I have no interest in going to college or any further education but that's me now, for all I know I could change my mind by the time that comes around, I've still got two years. I'm fairly sure my dad wants me to go to college (he does teach in one), recently he's been pressuring me to try and figure out how many points I'll want in my Leaving Cert (big end of school exams) by figuring out which college courses I'll want to get into but I honestly think that if I do go to college it'll be as a mature student so that'll no longer matter. This was meant to be fairly exclusively about TFS but turned into more so it's probably fairly impossible to follow, sorry about that. Anyway that's that, on a completely different note, the blog has hit a thousand views so cheers for that.
     See yous,
     Ruska

Apologies, Excuses etc.

      I've been busy, do you really expect me to do this regularly during the summer? I have loads that I've written in this notebook I have but haven't typed them up yet. I will at some point soon, I don't know when though. I'm going to Belfast tomorrow evening because it's my sixteenth birthday on Wednesday and I'll be back when school starts. I'm much more likely to want to write then anyway I'll have much less to do (well much less that I want to do) it'll go back to being a great form of procrastination and I'm sure I'll post almost everyday. Also Weronika will be back, actually she's back today at some point, not sure when though. I'm sorry this is kinda shit, I'm in a bit of a rush, I'm going to gig tonight, Regina Spektor (I think that's how you write it) no idea what she's like so this should be interesting. I am genuinely sorry I haven't posted in ages and I'll get back into it soon enough.

     Ruska

6am Rant About Bieber

     First off, I'm sorry I haven't written in ages, we've just moved house and all I've been doing is unpacking and obsessively watching this TV show all the time. So that's my excuses over and done with, let's get on with something vaguely more interesting. I just decided now that I'm going to do a thing on Justin Bieber and it's probably going to shit because it's six in the morning and I've been up all night watching stupid shit online. I watched a really nice film actually, 'Come On Eileen' but anyway.
     I very, very strongly dislike Justin Bieber, just to get that out there, not for his music or anything like that. His music isn't particularly good but it doesn't make him deservant (I really hope that's a real word) of my disdain. I don't like him because of his stupidity, there are so many things he's done that are just ridiculously stupid and also he basically brainwashes his fans to think what he thinks, he's against abortion (which makes me like him even less) but fine have stupid views if you want but don't use your fame to make people adopt your views he said, I'm not sure of the exact quote but it was something like this, "I'm against abortion so my fans should be too" that's just nasty because a lot of his fans are very influential teenage girls who would believe anything he says, I'm done with that now though, it's not quite what I wanted to write about today.
     I wanted to write about his fans, probably the most dangerous fan base around at the moment. I mean One Direction are mostly harmless there's been no big scandals about them or their fans as far as I know ('cept the fact that one of them likes older women but who cares). Justin Bieber on the other hand has had drug scandals, which to be honest I really don't care about. It's his fans reaction to them, I'm going to presume you heard of 'cut for bieber' probably the stupidest, no scratch that, most certainly the stupidest thing I've seen done, these girls (majority girls anyway) decided that ''Ooh, I'm going to help Justin through his 'tough' times by cutting myself and posting pictures to Twitter and Facebook." Firstly I don't understand why this is supposed to help Bieber through his drug addiction or whatever it is. Presuming he knows about this whole 'cut for Bieber' thing it's really just putting huge pressure on him not to fuck up. I mean if you were his age wanting to have fun or whatever it is he wants from it imagine having the pressure of knowing if you do get a little bit, just for the laugh or something and people find out, thousands of teenagers will harm themselves. So there's this to go against the fans and there is so much more. There's the ridiculous jealousy they have of him visiting people. He visited someone who was dying of cancer or something like that and loads of his fans were outraged that he visited her not them, likewise when he visited the Anne Frank Huis he got girls saying that 'why does she get a visit she isn't even that special' (him writing in the guest book that Anne Frank would've been a belieber is a whole other story). I'm not going to go on because honestly he's not worth the time, I can't even be arsed to edit this, I'll do a quick spell check and then I'm posting.
     I'm tired and cranky right now so it may well be that when I wake up a bit more later in the day I'll take this down or something, I dunno. Weronika hasn't been on for ages either, I don't know her reasons for it, probably more interesting than mine but I haven't really talked to her in the last few weeks, she's busy with Poland and I'm getting into loads of bad moods because I'm spending the majority of my day sitting on my laptop avoiding leaving my room because I know I'll get given out to for being on the laptop while I should be unpacking so I'm fairly stuck in my room full of boxes right now. So yeah, sorry about this shit stuff, I felt pissed and needed to get it out somehow. (You have no idea how many times I misspelled Bieber in this thing)
     Anyways, ciao,
     Ruska

Abandonment

     I'm really sorry that I abandoned you for an entire week but I was in Tampere (where I grew up) with some really awesome people so I wasn't going to waste the little time I had with them writing, I didn't write a single thing while I was there, I was far too busy. Well I started a few on the trains there and back but they were all shit so you'll do without.
     On a different note I read a few good books while I was there, first 'The Help' which you may have heard of. There was a film made of it not too long ago, the film was good but the book was great. After that I read a book called 'Go Ask Alice' which was absolutely amazing. It's a diary of a teenage girl's decent into the life of drugs in the 60s. It's amazing, it really makes you feel like you know the owner of the diary and when she's sad you're sad when she's happy you're happy, it's one of those books.
      Weronika is also back and writing though I think I'll go ahead and post this because I honestly don't know when she'll next be on but when she is something will be posted, presuming she edits. So I think that's about me, I'll tell you about my amazing week in Tampere soon but can't be bothered now. Oh and apparently we've just moved house, saves me from carrying all my stuff up four flights of stairs. Anyway, that's me, for now.
     Goodbye my munchkins,
     Ruska

John Green

     Since you've spent long enough on the internet to find this blog I presume you've heard of my topic, John Green, or his brother Hank, before, then again you could be someone I know or you might have just managed to get on this blog by accident. John Green is an author, he does other stuff too I just don't know about all that much of it. So I'm going to focus on his books, more specifically his books which I have already read. So my friend, Alex, I'm sure she's been mentioned before, read his books and was going on about them for quite some time. I'd decided that I would read them when I got around to it but I wasn't too rushed, knowing they'd be good but not expecting anything amazing. So when I saw his book 'The Fault in our Stars' on my uncle's bookshelf while babysitting my 18 month-old cousin I began to read it. Once I started I couldn't stop, I couldn't put it down (with the exception of shutting up a crying baby). By the time my uncle got home I had finished it and was shocked, I had never read anything that good before. The book is about a 16 year-old cancer patient and was so realistic and amazingly written. I cried for this book, I haven't read a book that made me cry for at least two years now, if not longer. The book was incredibly good, I don't even know how to describe it. So anyway, I finished the book and texted Alex telling her how much I liked it and she told me he had a book even better than that, 'Looking for Alaska' it was called. That was it I needed it, I vowed to buy it at the airport before my flight to Finland the next day. I went into two Easons in the airport but neither of them had it, one of them though did have another book by him, 'An Abundance of Katherines', I bought it as I was in need of a book for the flight. This one required more concentration than the last because it was about a child-prodigy who had just graduated school and was a little lost in the world, so there was a fair bit of smart talk in it. I really enjoyed it, while it didn't effect me quite as much as 'The Fault in our Stars' it was still a great read and this time I did read it in one sitting, I finished it before I got off the plane. It was really sweet and made me quite happy. So yeah, I'm going to see if any bookshops here sell books in English and happen to have 'Looking for Alaska' in stock and I suggest you find yourself a copy of a John Green book pronto, I think you'll like it.
     Goodbye my munchkins,
     Ruska

Finland (more excuses)

     I'm in Finland now, visiting my grandmother. So this is another excuse for me not posting a whole lot for the next few weeks. I'm in this little town near Helsinki (the capital) called Lovisa. It's nice and fairly warm, not that we haven't been getting that in Ireland. I'm probably going to gaing to gain about 5 pounds while I'm here just from eating so much, the food here is so much more amazing than that in Ireland. They have this thing called juustoleipä which is a kind of rubbery soft, fresh cheese which is amazing, and they have really good cottage cheese and these sausage things called nakki. Basically, the food is amazing! Weronika  hasn't been checking these so sorry for any mistakes that I haven't noticed. Apparently friends are more important than wasting your time on some stupid blog, maybe I should give that theory a shot actually... Anyways, see ya soon, well write to you soon...
     Goodbye my munchkins,
     Ruska

P.S. I forgot to mention how amazing the peas you get at the market are.

Excuses and other things

      Neither me nor Weronika have been posting much on this, me because I'm in the process of moving house and because I'm lazy, Weronika because she's Poland and apparently too busy to spend time on the internet. I guess it's good, I'm spending much less time on the internet (I wish). If anything I'm spending more time on the internet, it's ridiculous, I'm meant to be busy packing my stuff into boxes but I haven't even touched a box in the last four days, not good packing, I know. I did though pack away most my things, including all my clothes, which maybe wasn't my brightest idea, I literally left myself with the clothes I was wearing at the time and some dirty laundry to do me for about a week. I made a Tumblr as told to by one of my best friends, Alex. I've been considering doing so for a while and I'm really starting to hate Facebook so I figured I'd give it a shot. It's good, I don't really know how it works properly yet so we'll see how it goes. I was at the Irish National Stud today with my cousins, Uncle and Aunt (god, it's weird calling her that). The Japanese Gardens were great, really beautiful and nice. The Irish National Stud for some reason has Japanese gardens, not sure what that has to do with breeding racehorses but whatever. The tour we got was good, we got to see a horse worth €60 million, which is a little bit ridiculous to be honest. This is really a bit of an awful post, fairly boring and uninteresting. So yeah, thanks for wasting your time on this.
     Goodbye my munchkins,
     Ruska

Abortion

      To start I'm going to warn you that this is going to be a rant and now, just in case you don't know what's going on in Ireland with abortion at the moment, I'll give you a little bit of background so you might understand what you're reading. About 21 years ago, in 1992, there was a fourteen year old girl who had been raped and gotten pregnant from it, she wanted an abortion but as it was illegal in Ireland then (still is) planned to go to the UK to get one, once this was discovered she was forced to stay in the country by the judge. She had a miscarriage a short while later but it started a huge appeal for the change in the constitution regarding abortion. She was referred to as X for the duration of the trial to keep her privacy and it became known as, 'The X Case'. There were a few proposed changes to the constitution which didn't get through, so eventually this died out and was almost forgotten about. Last year it was the 20th, I suppose you could call it, anniversary of The X Case, sometime in February as far as I can remember. There were demonstrations about this then and vague plans to do more. A few months later, late October, a young woman died as she wasn't able to have an abortion after she was told that the foetus was not viable (going to be born dead), but they could not perform an abortion under Irish Law as the foetus' heart was still beating. She was in excruciating pain for the following three days, she was to weak to travel to England and was refused an abortion although she was constantly begging for one. After her death the movement began again, for a few months there was a demonstration every Wednesday and a march every Saturday. It eventually started to fade, not completely it was just less thought or talked about. There were still protests occasionally, not all the time but fairly regularly. Wow, and I haven't even started my rant yet. If you wanna know more, Google it. Oh and also, the people who are against abortion are 'Pro-Life' and people for it are 'Pro-Choice'. 
     Today was the annual Youth Defense march (Pro-Life) where they get people from everywhere in Ireland and bring them to Dublin for free for this big protest (they've got loads of American cash behind them). This year it was a bit of a big deal because of the whole Savita Halappanavar thing (the woman who died). They were marching down from Parnell Square to the Dail (the Irish parliament building) or something like that. Wherever it is they were going they went down O'Connell Street which was lined with people like me, holding placards, banners or, in my case, a spray-painted Irish flag, yelling at them as they passed, now I don't understand why abortion  has any affect on them as a majority of the crowd were well past the age for having children. So basically I spent two hours yelling "Pro-Life is a lie, you don't care if women die" and "Shame" and just booing old nuns and priests and other elderly people (as well as a few younger ones). This wouldn't have been too bad if they hadn't brought so many children with them. These children hadn't a clue why they were there or why they were being shouted at by thousands of people, it must have been a traumatic experience for them and, if I had been their position at that age, it would certainly bring on nightmares and things like that. Some of the kids didn't really mind it but a few were really obviously affected by this. There was this one little boy, about five years old, who was on the verge of tears and trying to pull out of the march but his dad wouldn't let him even though he was absolutely terrified, I mean I understand you want to prove your point but how could you make your son go through something like that which will very possible haunt him for years to come just to prove some stupid bloody point that doesn't even make all that much sense. So there was the scumbag parents who, to be honest, didn't treat their children very well. As well as this, the second my mother turned her back on me for just a second, to talk to someone this old woman, well into her nineties, came over to me, grabbed my wrist and told me that I have no hope in life, when my mum noticed her she told her to "stay the fuck away from my daughter" among other things. I think it's because I'm young and there weren't really very many people who brought their kids on the pro-choice side of things but about half the nuns that passed me said a pray for me or blessed me, maybe the think that my "soul" can still be "saved". Too bad for them. I respect not wanting to get an abortion and think that it should be up to you, not to the church or the state which at the moment it is. I understand that if your religion says that abortions shouldn't be had you may feel obliged to follow this but it does not mean that you have the right stop people from doing what you want with yourself. Every year there are thousands going there because it's impossible to get an abortion without breaking the law here. You risk 14 years in jail if you get an illegal abortion in Ireland. Rape is only 7 years, why the fuck is abortion double that? It's illogical, old-fashioned and disgusting that there are so many people out there trying their hardest to take away the rights of the woman, the right for health obviously doesn't come to mind. Presuming the bill will pass it'll still be practically impossible to get an abortion here due to the restrictions set out by the bill. It has to be a life threatening reason, something has gone wrong and the mother will die if there's no abortion or something along the lines of that. If the mother is
suicidal and under the risk of killing herself she needs to get four psychiatrists to say that she should get an abortion as well as three doctors, this is ridiculous as it is but some psychiatrists have said that if a pregnant woman is suicidal and wants an abortion they will be forced to sign themselves into a mental institution for the duration of their pregnancy. FORCED. I presume court cases can be taken against this but if your genuinely suicidal you don't want to go to court, you're more likely to just get a backstreet abortion or commit suicide, neither of these are good, backstreet abortions are illegal and dangerous and suicide is, well, suicide. I think I may have been somewhat repetitive there, but I just needed to get that out of my system. I was going to apologize here at the end in case I insulted anyone but then I realized that I really don't care if I insulted you with my views, they are mine, after all. I am going to apologize to Weronika though because I'm fairly sure I swore in there once or twice, so yeah, sorry 'bout that.
     Cya,
     Ruska

                      This is the picture of Savita released into the press with the story of her death last October.

Update on stuff

     Weronika's cousin has arrived so she won't be posting a whole lot anymore but I'm gonna be bored for a good chunk of the summer so I'll probably be posting some stuff. I'm back from Italy now but there's still loads of stuff I wrote while I was there that I'll post up at some stage. They may be somewhat jumbled though because I can't remember the order they were written in so just read each post individually so you don't get mixed up or something. I dunno what else to tell you, Italy was good, going to Finland in a few weeks and that's about it. Oh wait, I'm moving house the same day as I go to Finland. Our new neighbour is a monkey which is pretty awesome, my new room is cool too and I have a nice enough view. So anyway, that's about it from me.
     Goodbye my munchkins,
     Ruska

Happiness

     Not to show off or anything but my life is amazing. Right now, I literally love my life and I'm extremely happy. Seriously, I can't stop smiling, everything is going well and I wouldn't change a thing. Now I don't want to make anyone feel bad, unless your life is also amazing but you're just too (appropriate word for you) to realize it, but life is amazing and I've learned to appreciate mine and be happy despite it's downs. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
      Goodbye my munchkins,
      Your (very happy) master, Weronika

This Is What I Call A Waste Of A Day

     Today I feel kind of tired, not exactly the type of tired you feel when you're lacking sleep or the type of tired you feel when you've spent the day doing stuff that require energy, just kind of bleh. I think it's partially that my dad and I aren't able to spend a whole load of time in close quarters without becoming narky with each other, we haven't even managed three whole days, barely even two. It's not that we don't get on, it's just that we both have plenty of annoying little traits that when in close quarters with each other tend to clash. Last summer we came here for a week and one of the days we just didn't even interact with each other, my dad went on some mountain walk or other and I buried myself in the worlds of Harry Potter and music, but that was after almost seven days together. This year we didn't even manage three before exactly that happened again but this time I have the internet so I haven't actually given myself the peace I need, I've spent most of my day on the laptop instead of the peace I both wanted and needed. Now I feel bleh, I wish I had spent today reading Harry Potter and listening to music. I did do that for a while but having internet access is very distracting even if you have no interest in going on the internet. Now my dad's going to be home soon and he'll expect that I got the peace I needed in the five or so hours I had without him, but I'll still be narky so he in turn will be narky so we'll end up having some stupid argument where neither of us is right or wrong but neither will back down either so then I'll get my peace to read Harry Potter and listen to music but I have to go through that first. I wish I had spent today reading Harry Potter and listening to music instead of wasting time on the internet but in this day and age it's not easy to get away from it, if I listen to music on the laptop, it's just there so I listen to music on my phone but I've got a smartphone (albeit not a very good one) so I've still got the internet just there. I tried disconnecting my phone from the wifi and it worked, until I got into my head that I wanted to listen to this song that I don't have so I must turn on the internet but wait, no, sound quality isn't good enough on this, I'll use the laptop and then I'll just check facebook really quickly, and my e-mail, and youtube, and the blog. Before I know it my dad will be home in twenty minutes and I'm still on the computer, then I think, when he gets here he's going to want to do work so he'll want the laptop, I had best make the best of my time on it now so. Even if there's nothing I can do online anymore, none of my friends are online on facebook, that e-mail hasn't been replied to, I don't know what to blog about and I've watched all the videos my subscriptions have posted but I'll check each of these about twenty times. I've memorized the stats from the blog, I've scrolled down my news feed, right to the bottom, I've done my share of facebook stalking for today, I've read all my old, and rather embarrassing, e-mails, I've watched about a 40 videos and the book I set out to start reading today is unopened. I wish I had read that book today, I've done nothing of interest really. This is the most productive thing I've done today and I fell even more bleh than I did at the start of the day. This is what I call a waste of a day. Now, finally that I've realized this, I'm going to start reading that book, the one I love so much but haven't read in almost a year but can still recite passages of it without a second thought, now I'm going to get some peace. But before I sign out of all my accounts, I will undoubtedly check each one another time, to make sure no one interesting is online of there wasn't another video put up or we haven't somehow magically gone up 80 views to get us past the 800 mark or that person hasn't replied to my e-mail even though I just sent it. It's slightly ridiculous really how much time I waste on nothing really.
     Goodbye my munchkins,
     Ruska

Wednesday

     Hello I just wanted to inform me all that Wednesday the 3rd of July is finally almost here. What's so special about the 3rd of July you ask, well the answer is MY COUSIN!!! No, it's not her birthday, that's on the 31st. The THING is that she is coming, she is coming this Wednesday, she is coming this Wednesday and is staying with me for a week! What's so special about that, you wonder. Well it's special because she lives in Poland (like all my family bar my parents, I think) and I only get to see her two months a year. It's not that bad you say, well I say 'I love her' She is the only cousin that's around my age that I love. She is perfect, she is super mega cool and smart and talented and beautiful and sweet and she has good taste in music and she is strong and amazing and so on and so on...
       Anyway, she is coming this Wednesday and I'll pick her up at the airport and I'll be able to hug her whenever I want. It will be amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!
      On a slightly less positive tone, Ruska is coming back from Italy this Wednesday too. That means that I won't see her till I come back from Poland :( But I'll survive because I'll have MY COUSIN!!! I'm dying from the excitement.
     Goodbye my munchkins,
     Your master, Weronika

Italy

      I've been here a few days now, well two days anyway. We're staying in this little lakeside village called Lierna, my dad's friend has a place here, she's away for the summer and is letting us stay. I've never actually met her but she seems really cool judging from her house. She has a little statue of a Hungarian Horntail (the dragon Harry Potter faces in the Goblet of Fire). Her place is awesome, bar the giant spiders that occasionally crawl over you in your sleep. It's got a magnificent view, of which I'll include a picture at the bottom. The only problem with this place is that it's about halfway up a very steep mountain. It's quite a trek to get up here but at least I'm probably not going to get fat on this holiday, no matter how much nice Italian food I eat. It's kinda sad though cos the day I come back Weronika's cousin arrives meaning I'm not going to see Weronika until she comes back from Poland, a few days before my birthday (late August). It's probably the longest time we've been apart since we became such close friends and it's a shame but what can you do, I'm sure we'll manage to survive. Sure I have people to hang out with in Ireland and I'm  going to Finland for a few weeks too (yay).  I'm going to Milan later today which I'm looking forward to, we're meeting one of my dad's friends  there.
     Goodbye my munchkins,
     Ruska

     The view from the balcony, very picturesque. Like something you would see on a post card, not in real life.

Flight

     I’m sitting on a Boeing 737 on my way to Bergamo airport. I’m going to Italy for a week, my dad’s going to stay for a month but is planning to spend much of his time working, now that to me doesn’t seem to make sense, who decides to go to a nice holiday location and instead of spending their time there taking in the sun and relaxing before returning to wet and miserable Ireland, spending that time cooped up inside with a pile of papers and a laptop. I do understand the idea of trying to get away from people and distractions for a while but he’s going to a beach and one of his friends doesn’t live far away from where we’re going, in Milan. It just doesn’t seem logical, but hey, I’m not complaining I get a holiday to Italy out of it. We’re flying in on Ryanair but I can’t on my way back because I’m still, just, under 16. This makes me ridiculously happy because I hate Ryanair with all my heart, almost all other airlines, at least pretend to, care. I could give you a never ending list of reasons on why I hate Ryanair but they’re not worth my time. I quite enjoy flying but not with Ryanair. I love Scandinavian Airlines and no, it’s not just because I’m from Scandanavia, it’s because they’re pleasant to fly with, no stress really and when we were stranded because of snow a few years ago they sent us to a 4 or 5 star hotel until we could fly again. SAS are more expensive but I think it’s worth it. We’ll see what I think when the moneys coming out of my own pocket but at the moment that’s my opinion. I’m going to head now and read a book or something, the laptop is about to die. I’m not sure when I’m going to have internet access so it might take a few days to post this.

       Goodbye my munchkins,

       Ruska